Pyro's New Parents
by Clinically Insane
Summary: A look into what happened just after Pyro joined with Mags. What happens when 'tooth and Toad have to watch Pyro for Mystique and Mags? Chaos on the rocks!
1. Default Chapter

Pyro's New Parents  
  
(I own nothing)  
  
Once Pyro had left with in the chopper with Magneto and Mystique they flew to pick up the other two members of the brotherhood, Sabertooth and Toad. You can probably imagine there was some tension with the newest addition to the team.  
  
"What's with the ankle biter?" was Creed's first response.  
  
"Yeah, we weren't gone that long," Toad raised and eybrow toward towards Magneto and Mystique.  
  
"Why you!" Mystique would have surely taken Toad out had Magneto not grabbed her arm, go thing he put the chopper on autopilot.  
  
"This is Pyro the newest member to our side," explained Magneto.  
  
"Yer kiddin', right?" asked Sabertooth.  
  
"What's his power violent mood swings or sudden loss of voice when trying to talk to girls?" Toad jeered (Oh ya, the wise cracking dream team was officially back in action, author rolls eyes).  
  
"Care to give them a demonstration?" Mags looked towards Pyro.  
  
"I don't know if that's a good idea." Pyro trailed off.  
  
"What's the problem?" Mystique narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Nothing I."  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for?" provoked Toad, "Sacred?"  
  
That tore it! It there was one thing Pyro didn't respond well to it was being teased. He pulled his little shark lighter out and turned on the flame. He made it come to his free palm and then put the lighter away.  
  
He did a few tricks and everything was going great until.ACHOO!  
  
Fire flew in every direction from his palm and fizzled out in the farthest corners of the cabin.  
  
"What the hell was that?" asked Toad getting up from the floor.  
  
"Nothing I'm.ACHOO!" Pyro sneezed again.  
  
"Just out of curiosity how far would you say you walked to find us?" asked Magneto.  
  
"6, 7 miles, wh-ACHOO!"  
  
"In ten degree weather?! Mystique started to freak out, "Bed, Now!" she said grabbing his upper arm.  
  
"But this is the storage room!" protested Pyro.  
  
"I don't wanna hear it lay down!" yelled Mystique.  
  
"This is so degrade-ACHOO!"  
  
Meanwhile back in the main cabin.  
  
"Is it me or did Bule's internal clock just go into overdrive?" asked Toad looking at the storage door.  
  
"Let's just hope he survives Mystique's care," said Magneto.  
  
Toad shuddered remembering when he broke his leg after being blown off the statue of liberty as if the fracture wasn't bad enough he had Mystique hovering around him twenty-four seven. And that was just him, Toad. He smelled like algae throw for Christ sake and she still nearly smothered him, that poor kid didn't have a snowball's chance in HELL during winter.  
  
"Seriously, you don't have to tuck me in. All I need to get better is a stack of porn!" John pleaded.  
  
"What?!" yelled Mystique.  
  
"I take it back," said Creed, "He's not so bad."  
  
"He's startin' to grow on me too," admitted Toad.  
  
(3 Hours Later)  
  
Magneto sat in the main cabin finishing the book he had been reading in prison, while Toad and Sabertooth flew the plane. Mystique walked out and sat down next to Magneto doing that that same leg thing she pulled on the prison guard.  
  
Magneto raised an eyebrow as she put the little shark lighter in his hand and then looked down at where her leg was.  
  
"Three hours, but he's asleep," she purred into Magneto's ear.  
  
Magneto closed his book as she started to rub his chest in slow circles.  
  
"Do you like him?" asked Magneto.  
  
"No more than Toad or Sabertooth, why?" asked Mystique.  
  
"Really?" asked Magneto.  
  
"Although he me might get lonely, I think he might need a brother." said Mystique getting dangerously close.  
  
"And how do you propose we give him a brother?" Magneto swallowed hard.  
  
"Steel another from Xavier," said Mystique matter-o-factly as she furrowed her brow, "Why?"  
  
"Just checking," said Magneto putting his book down and grabbing Mystique around the waist.  
  
The metal door to the cockpit slammed as the reunited couple fell back onto the seat.  
  
In the cockpit Toad looked over at Sabertooth, "Our old deal still stands right?" he asked, "If they ever decide to play house and we move to Vegas."  
  
"Damn straight," said Creed as they flew on into the night.  
  
(AN: What do you think, this one just kind of came to me out of the blue. By the by I'm more of an X-Evo writer, presently, this is my first X-move short story. I hope you enjoyed, I just had to get this out of my system.) 


	2. explanation

Hi Everyone,  
  
I have been having no end of trouble with my e-mail account. So I'm sorry if you have been waiting for a response from me.  
  
1)Here's the thing, Miranda take whatever you want for your site, don't wait for me to finish the story because it's taking me a lot longer than I could have ever fathomed.  
  
2)Yes, there will most definitely be more chapters added to Pyro's New Parents, but the same as before it will take me a little while. In the meantime I will tell you this. In the next chapter Sabertooth and Toad take Pyro out to a Canadian bar.  
  
I)And to all the Canadians, fear not there will be no more use of the  
term "eh". I know some of you wrote to me and stated that you found  
it offensive. I appreciate you telling me and I apologize I didn't  
mean to offend anyone.  
  
Now that all of that is settled I will return you to your regularly scheduled programs as quickly as I possibly can. Thank you all for you patients and e-mails. I love hearing from everyone, my e-mail account just won't let me respond to you, hence this letter.  
  
Thank you all again,  
  
~Clinically Insane 


	3. Adventures in Babysitting

It was early in the morning. The brotherhood had just gotten back to HQ three days ago. Mystique and Magneto were alone in the kitchen (wink, wink). Magneto sat at the table as Mystique brought over a cup of fresh coffee. She started to nuzzle his neck.  
  
"Don't start something you don't intend to finish." warned Magneto gingerly turning the page.  
  
Mystique responded by playfully nipping at Magneto's earlobe.  
  
"Is this the part where I'm supposed to back of the room and forget this whole thing ever happened?" came a voice from the doorway.  
  
Both Magneto and Mystique looked up in horror to see Pyro standing in the doorway.  
  
"Aren't you up a little early?" asked Mystique looking over at the microwave clock.  
  
"Uh ya, there was a small explosion in the lab. Don't worry I got the flames under control and Toad took it from there."  
  
"Trust me, Toad is the least of my worries," said Mystique in a dangerous tone walking back over to the counter for coffee.  
  
Magneto tried to conceal a smirk behind the paper he was holding.  
  
Pyro just ignored what was going on between the adults and walked over to the cabinet to make himself a hot pocket.  
  
Later in the work-out room-  
  
"Here!" Mystique handed a wad of hundreds to Sabertooth, "I don't care what you and Toad do, but take Pyro!"  
  
"What the hell are we supposed to do with him?" asked Toad as he walked in.  
  
"I don't care, just do it away from here!"  
  
"How old is he?" asked Toad.  
  
"And I would know because?" asked Sabertooth sarcastically.  
  
"I think he's 17, why?" asked Mystique.  
  
"No reason," said Toad as innocently as possible.  
  
Mystique gave him a strange look, but left anyway.  
  
Toad smiled as he saw Mystique's shadow disappear down the hall, "I've got a plan."  
  
"If it's anything like the last on I want out now!" said Sabertooth shoving the wad of cash in his pocket.  
  
"Would you relax. There are no fireworks involved this time." assured Toad, "Where's the kid?"  
  
Sabertooth sniffed the air, "Commons room."  
  
-------------  
  
Pyro sat on the couch in the commons room watching cartoons. Head on the armrest and half asleep. The TV goes black.  
  
"Hey!" Pyro sat straight up to see Toad holding the remote and Sabertooth standing behind him.  
  
"Trust me, kid, the roadrunner gets away." said Toad, "C'mon we have to hurry."  
  
"Why? Are we being sent on a mission?" asked a sleepy Pyro.  
  
"You could say that," said Sabertooth.  
  
"Where's Mystique?" asked Pyro.  
  
"Uh-" Sabertooth looked at Toad.  
  
"She decided to sit this one out." Toad concocted quickly.  
  
"And Magneto?" Pyro asked standing up.  
  
"He wants to see how you follow orders." said Toad who was by now just having fun making shit up.  
  
Pyro raised and eyebrow, "Does this have anything to do with me walking in on them this morning?"  
  
Both Sabertooth and Toad froze.  
  
"Oh c'mon guys give me a little credit. I am a teenager. It didn't take that much to realize they've been bangin' like a pair of marching band symbols since we got back. So lets just cut all this mission crap. What are we really doing?"  
  
"Look at it like this," said Sabertooth, "Mommy (Mystique) and Daddy (Magneto) are tired of being parents, so mommy paid off your uncles, Toad and me, to get you out of their way tonight."  
  
"So all we need to do is go to the lab," said Toad walking of in that direction.  
  
"Why?" asked Pyro, who received no answer.  
  
-------------  
  
In the lab Toad had Pyro stand with his back to a white wall  
  
"Smile," said Toad as the flash from a digital camera nearly blinded Pyro.  
  
"Ah, what the hell?" Pyro rubbed his eyes.  
  
The printer started to work and a minute later Toad handed Pyro a small rectangle of plastic aka a fake ID.  
  
"Your name is James Jones. You were born Feb. 2nd 1985. Your mother's maiden name is Smithe and you were sent away to a private boarding school in Australia for elementary, middle and high school. We are you uncles. I'm Robert and Sabertooth is Clyde. Any questions?"  
  
Pyro looked at Sabertooth, "This won't end well, will it?"  
  
"Probably not," said Sabertooth, grabbing his coat, "But someone has to bail him out of prison."  
  
CLANG!  
  
The heavy metal door to the garage slammed shut. It was quickly followed by the sound of jeep revving off into the night.  
  
THUD!  
  
Mystique who had been sitting on the couch threw the novel (which happened to have been a trashy romance one at that) over her shoulder. She tore down the hall at break neck speed and screeched to halt before the door to Magneto's study.  
  
Before she could touch the metallic knob the door glided open. Mystique walked in to find Magneto pouring a vintage brandy into two crystal glasses.  
  
-------------  
  
Montreal, Canada-8:32 pm  
  
James, Clyde and Robert (OK, I still don't know where these names came from) walked into Hoarfrost, the hottest or rather coolest (in the cold sense) strip club/restaurant in Canada. A rather up scale club at that, considering the special of the night was king crab.  
  
But enough about the menu-the dynamic trio got a corner booth. Within a short time their waitress came over. She had long blond hair that went most of the way down her back.  
  
"Hey, it's my favorite customers, Clyde and Robert." she said as she put down square paper napkins for their drinks, "Who's your friend?"  
  
"Oh, this is our nephew, James. His parents are out of town for the week and he just turned 18."  
  
"Oh, he's so cute! I'll go tell all the girls. They love first timers!" squealed the waitress as she ran over to bar tender, a very attractive brunette with olive skin.  
  
"James, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friend ship," said Clyde (Sabertooth) clapping Pyro on the back.  
  
"James? Buddy? You OK?" asked Robert (Toad) moving his hand up and down in front of Pyro's face.  
  
(Sorry, did I forget to mention the waitress was topless and about a double D?)  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile back at HQ the Master of Magnetism and Mystique had momentarily come up for air. The bottle of brandy was empty and the glasses had rolled under the couch and somehow Mystique and Magneto had ended up under the desk.  
  
Both were panting pretty hard.  
  
"I think we need some more variety," said Magneto thoughtfully through pants.  
  
"Like what?" asked Mystique as she licked his neck.  
  
"We should take this somewhere completely out of the ordinary," concluded Magneto.  
  
Mystique looked up at him, "The bedroom?" she asked casually.  
  
"An excellent suggestion." said Magneto.  
  
-------------  
  
Back at Hoarfrost, the three had finished dinner and were now sitting in the show room at one of the best tables in the house. At the end of the show the blonde waitress for earlier in the evening come on stage.  
  
"Hi everyone," she said in her usual perky tone, "The girls and I understand we have a first timer in the audience tonight and I'm sure the veterans of this establishment know what that means!"  
  
The was a borage of whistles, pounding on tables and applause.  
  
"That's right," she continued, "WET T-SHIRT COMPETITION!"  
  
The crowd went wild as all the strippers came out on stage in long white t- shirts, each with a different beer company's logo. Next two techs carrying a folding table from back stage with pitchers of each beer shown on the strippers t-shirts. Each stripper stood in front the pitcher containing the brew from the company's logo she had on.  
  
"READY?! O-KAY!" said the blond waitress, "1, 2, 3-GO!"  
  
Each girl picked up the pitcher in front of her and dumped the contents down the front of her t-shirt. As the liquid soaked thru black micro- bikinis became visable.  
  
"Now to pick a winner!" announced the waitress. She called off the name of each beer. Sam Adams Light, a petite girl with flaming red hair in two pig tails covered embedded with glitter.  
  
She jumped off the stage and ran over to Pyro. Taking him by the hand she led him off to a private room.  
  
"Where is she taking me?" James (Pyro) asked Clyde (Sabertooth).  
  
Before Clyde (Sabertooth) had a chance to answer the waitress who was still on stage overheard the question and shouted to the crowd, "Why don't you tell him what he's won!"  
  
Collectively the audience yelled, "BODY SHOTS!"  
  
(People, lets just level with each other right now. We know this won't end well!)  
  
"Think he'll be ok?" asked Clyde (Sabertooth).  
  
"I'm not worried," said Robert (Toad) as he used his amphibian tongue to snatch the olive out of his martini with lightning reflexes.  
  
45 minutes later the red head who had now misplaced the t-shirt she had been wearing led James (Pyro) back to the table in her black micro-bikini. "See that wasn't so bad," she said as she kissed his cheek and then walked away.  
  
Once she had left James' (Pyro's) head hit the table.  
  
"Not worried, huh?" asked Clyde (Sabertooth) sarcastically.  
  
"I'm sure this isn't as bad as it looks," countered Robert (Toad).  
  
"You mean before Mystique rips your hear out and shows it to you?" asked Clyde (Sabertooth).  
  
"Ok," said Robert (Toad) his voice cracking a little, "Don't panic!"  
  
Clyde (Sabertooth) rolled his eyed, "C'mon lets just get him hone first."  
  
Sabertooth lifted Pyro and carried him out to the car as Toad followed behind him.  
  
Half way back Toad asked, "Just out of curiosity how much trouble do you think we'll be in?"  
  
"Whadda ya mean 'we'? This was your idea!" accused Creed.  
  
"Hey, you went along with it!" Toad shot back in defense.  
  
"Ow, my head." Pyro sat up in the backseat.  
  
"How do you feel?" asked Toad.  
  
"Like crap! I can't believe those blasted lobster backs (Red Coats/English back in 1775) got me!"  
  
"What?!" Toad was really confused now.  
  
"Did we at least make it to Lexington?" asked Pyro.  
  
"Let me ask you this," said Toad, "Who are you?"  
  
"Paul Revere," said Pyro mater 'o factly.  
  
"This is bad!" said Toad looking at Creed.  
  
"Ya think?!" asked Sabertooth.  
  
"What do we do now? We can bring him home like this!" exclaimed Toad.  
  
"Why the hell would I know?" asked Victor.  
  
"Well you'd better think of something fast!" said Toad  
  
"Why me? This your fault!" yelled Creed.  
  
"That's it!" yelled Toad about to to something drastic when-  
  
"ZZZZZZzzzzzzz"  
  
Creed looked in the mirror, "He's asleep."  
  
"That was bizarre," said Toad.  
  
"Tell me about it, but hopefully he'll sleep through the rest of the night." said Sabertooth.  
  
A few minutes later-  
  
Pyro sat straight up in the back seat, "What's our status men?!"  
  
"What?" asked Sabertooth trying to keep his eyes on the road.  
  
"How much land have we captured?!" persisted Pyro.  
  
Toad rolled his eyes, "Look Paul-" he began.  
  
"Who the hell is Paul?" asked Pyro, "I'm Gen. Johnson, you're my lieutenants and were in the midst of conquering Rhode Island!"  
  
"Whoa, now that's just fucked up!" said Sabertooth, "Why the hell are we trying to conquer Rhode Island?"  
  
"Because it's way too small to be a state, we're on a mission to annex it for New York!"  
  
"Ok," Creed decided to just play along, "and once we've conquered it then what?"  
  
"We change the official language to Latin!"  
  
"Well it is really small," admitted Toad.  
  
"Oh, hell no, don't start!" said Sabertooth.  
  
"Technically it does make sense except for the Latin part," said Toad. He was about to ask specifically about the Latin when he noticed Pyro had fallen asleep again.  
  
By the time they had reached HQ it was 2 am.  
  
"Think they're still at it?" asked Toad.  
  
"Is Pyro drunk of his ass?" Creed retorted.  
  
"Ya know he's not so bad when he's unconscious," said Toad.  
  
"Let's just hope he stays that way," said Creed as he took the keys out of the ignition.  
  
Little did Sabertooth and Toad realize Mystique and Magneto had retired to the kitchen for tea (AN: I just write I don't ask). Those poor unsuspecting bastards (MWAHAHAHA!).  
  
-------------  
  
Sabertooth carried Pyro down the corridor with Toad behind him. They passed the kitchen on the way to the commons room. When they reached the commons room Creed laid Pyro down on the couch and started to take his coat off.  
  
"Hurry up," said Toad frantically as he looked up and down the hallway.  
  
"This isn't as easy as it looks," growled Creed.  
  
"Back so soon?" asked a familiar voice.  
  
Both Creed and Toad froze and looked up to see Magneto (fully clothed) and Mystique (in normal form) standing next to him.  
  
"Uh, ya 'lil too much party for him," said Toad quickly.  
  
"He fell a sleep?" asked Magneto.  
  
"Uh, ya," said Creed.  
  
"Aww, that's so adorable," said Mystique walking over to the couch and taking off the remainder of Pyro's coat and taking it to the coat closet down the hall.  
  
Just when Sabertooth and Toad thought they were in the clear Mystique came back and Pyro sat up on the couch.  
  
"Please not Paul, Please not Paul," thought Toad silently to himself.  
  
The next thing out of Pyro's mouth was, "Crikey, did you see the snout on that croc?"  
  
Yes, ladies and gentlemen our drunk and confused little mutant thought he was the Croc Hunter.  
  
"That's right," thought Toad, "kick me when I'm down, God!"  
  
"What did he say?" asked Mystique in a deadly tone.  
  
"Ummm?" Toad was at a loss for words.  
  
Sure enough when Pyro turned around the first thing he saw was Mystique, "Ah, Terri, there you are. Damn Sheila (woman) I've been searching everywhere after that last croc attacked!" With that having been bolted forward and hugged her waist.  
  
"This won't end well," thought Creed.  
  
"Is he drunk?!" asked Mystique how was trying to keep both her balance from being charged and hold Pyro up at the same time.  
  
"Drunk is such a strong word," Toad tried to approach this gently.  
  
"You were supposed to be watching him!" said Magneto.  
  
"We did watch him!" insisted Toad, "drink 8 or more beers and then he had some other stuff."  
  
"WHAT!?" yelled Mystique.  
  
"Hey at least he doesn't want to conquer Rhode Island anymore." said Toad quickly.  
  
"Would you just quit while yer ahead for once?" asked Creed.  
  
"That's it!" yelled Mystique, "Hold him while I rip those two apart!" as she attempted to hand Pyro to Magneto.  
  
"That's enough out of all of you!" said Magneto, "What's done is done lets just set up in the medical lab for the rest of the night. It's nearly dawn anyway and we can take turns watching him.  
  
"Fine," said Toad.  
  
"Fine," said Sabertooth.  
  
"Fine," growled Mystique.  
  
-------------  
  
Later that afternoon Pyro walked out of his room in sickbay and into the medical lab with a throbbing headache to find all four sleep deprived adults working on various tasks. As he walked in they all stared at him.  
  
Rubbing his pounding head Pyro looked over at Sabertooth and Toad, "I know this is going to sound bizarre, but did we try to conquer Rhode Island last night with the Croc Hunter by retracing Paul Revere's path to Lexington?" 


End file.
